Memory Mercedes made with backseat production , form of poem powers acceleration going too fast and getting no wear but tear in the zipper caught going up the road to enclose the 300 probes into a pie in the sky but in the end, to resell with a profit to boost the wallet to buy 350 SL and score a babe in the mist of time.
Haha, thank you for these awesome words, Richard. I sold the car many years ago, certainly not for a profit. And now, several cars later, our family shares a single Prius whose floor is usually covered in toys, books, and moldy snacks. Couldn't have imagined a better life for myself.
THANK YOU. This teaches me something about my own writing. This feedback is priceless. Of course I pay attention to sound. I LOVE sound. But this is a very keen understanding of how/why. I see so much more of it in the poem now. My subconscious revealed. Amazing, James.
I adore what you've done with the prompt here! The formatting is so pleasing to the eye & deliberate, the line "hoisting around / a steel carcass" .. magnificent! And at the end how you compared your body to that of the car (shyand steady), beautiful work my friend!
Thanks, sonja!! As I scanned your list of June prompts, some felt enticing, some felt a little TOO vulnerable right now, but this one was just right. I wrote most of it in our well-loved Prius, sitting in a parking lot and eating ice cream, while I had Dad's Solo Night Out, a much needed break that I typically fill with poetry, music, archery, and some kind of treat.
The shape started to make itself automagically so I grabbed the reigns and enforced that shape (including going back and adding the first few extra-short lines...maybe extraneous from a literary standpoint but fun and shapely). I like how the shape helps convey the heavy, bulky angularity of that old German tank that was manufactured before I was born.
Your minimalist style of capitalization and punctuation also inspired me here. I love to mix that kind of thing up from poem to poem.
Loving the imagery of ice cream in the parking lot - a poetry prompt in itself! The poem’s shape definitely reinforces the meanings behind the poem, I really loved the piece.
Playing with punctuation is fun, too! I realized recently some of my newsletters use proper capitalization & some just completely throw it out the window haha.. doing whatever feels best in the moment in liberating when it comes to writing
WOW!! That's an awesome coincidence. I feel like it was almost a completely different type of car...not just because it was diesel...it's hard to explain, but I imagine you understand! Those weird circular vents, the unique sound, the smell of the interior, the tricky way you had to start it up by waiting a few seconds... Thank you so much for reading and subscribing!!
Not that you asked: My first car: a mid-seventies hand-me-down Ford Pinto mini-wagon, black with faux wood panels on the outside. A manual stick. Loved that car—took me through to my senior year in HS. Fell in love in that car too. But enough said there.
A very fun poem today—for it’s structure, word choice and rhythm.
Thank you for sharing!! The stickshift and the faux wood paneling sound really charming.
Thank you for your kind words about my poem.
The Mercedes was a hand-me-down from my grandfather (same one as in this piece: https://mikesperiosu.substack.com/p/a-profound-kindness), and somehow its methodic grayness really embodied him. My next car was a hand-me-down Honda Prelude from my dad, which did have a manual transmission! So much fun. That one carried me all the way to my first date with my girlfriend-now-wife. Good memories.
My second car was a black 1982 Camaro Berlinetta that my parents surprised me with following football season my Senior year. Needless to say, I was THE MAN on campus driving up every day in that thing! Like your Prelude, my Camaro brought me to meeting my future wife at college. Such great memories—You’d be a BLAST to sit next with for a lazy and sunny afternoon on a deck somewhere, preferably overlooking a body of water, and reminiscing on various memories from our “Glory Days.” I’d even be playing Springsteen in the background. And Journey.
Thanks, VP! The shape started to make itself naturally as I used my intuition to decide where linebreaks should be as the words first started pouring out. Once the themes of the poem started to take shape (ha), I felt that the rigid lines really helped get the message across, so I turned the shape from a rough, happy coincidence into an enforced rigid structure worthy of German engineering. I've been asked whether the shape is supposed to look like a headlight or tail fin, and the answer is no, it's not meant to be that literal.
🤣🤣🤣 I never got in a major wreck with this one (probably because it was SO slow to accelerate), but if I ever did...the other driver's car probably would have been scrap metal.
Thanks for riding along with me on this one! I know it's a bit of a departure from a lot of my work, but variety really is the spice of life! It's fun to expand what I'm capable of. And thanks for noticing the deliberate shape!
I love the cars of years ago more than the ones they make now mainly because those cars had and have a better, stronger frame and looked and look more impressive. To me the cars of today look more or less the same. Good read!
Memory Mercedes made with backseat production , form of poem powers acceleration going too fast and getting no wear but tear in the zipper caught going up the road to enclose the 300 probes into a pie in the sky but in the end, to resell with a profit to boost the wallet to buy 350 SL and score a babe in the mist of time.
Haha, thank you for these awesome words, Richard. I sold the car many years ago, certainly not for a profit. And now, several cars later, our family shares a single Prius whose floor is usually covered in toys, books, and moldy snacks. Couldn't have imagined a better life for myself.
Charmed tale told today with new players.
Oh man, I love the phonetics of this. The sounds tell the story just as much as the words. Very fun read.
THANK YOU. This teaches me something about my own writing. This feedback is priceless. Of course I pay attention to sound. I LOVE sound. But this is a very keen understanding of how/why. I see so much more of it in the poem now. My subconscious revealed. Amazing, James.
I adore what you've done with the prompt here! The formatting is so pleasing to the eye & deliberate, the line "hoisting around / a steel carcass" .. magnificent! And at the end how you compared your body to that of the car (shyand steady), beautiful work my friend!
Thanks, sonja!! As I scanned your list of June prompts, some felt enticing, some felt a little TOO vulnerable right now, but this one was just right. I wrote most of it in our well-loved Prius, sitting in a parking lot and eating ice cream, while I had Dad's Solo Night Out, a much needed break that I typically fill with poetry, music, archery, and some kind of treat.
The shape started to make itself automagically so I grabbed the reigns and enforced that shape (including going back and adding the first few extra-short lines...maybe extraneous from a literary standpoint but fun and shapely). I like how the shape helps convey the heavy, bulky angularity of that old German tank that was manufactured before I was born.
Your minimalist style of capitalization and punctuation also inspired me here. I love to mix that kind of thing up from poem to poem.
Thanks so much for your close reading!
Loving the imagery of ice cream in the parking lot - a poetry prompt in itself! The poem’s shape definitely reinforces the meanings behind the poem, I really loved the piece.
Playing with punctuation is fun, too! I realized recently some of my newsletters use proper capitalization & some just completely throw it out the window haha.. doing whatever feels best in the moment in liberating when it comes to writing
Your last sentence is why I love poetry. I’m not bound to any one thing. So FREE!
Mike, I drove the same car at the same time. And you know what? I seriously share your sentiments 😊 Thank you!
WOW!! That's an awesome coincidence. I feel like it was almost a completely different type of car...not just because it was diesel...it's hard to explain, but I imagine you understand! Those weird circular vents, the unique sound, the smell of the interior, the tricky way you had to start it up by waiting a few seconds... Thank you so much for reading and subscribing!!
Really appreciate the beauty in structure and the sound at the back 💖
Thanks, Mo! I really appreciate you being here!
Not that you asked: My first car: a mid-seventies hand-me-down Ford Pinto mini-wagon, black with faux wood panels on the outside. A manual stick. Loved that car—took me through to my senior year in HS. Fell in love in that car too. But enough said there.
A very fun poem today—for it’s structure, word choice and rhythm.
Thank you for sharing!! The stickshift and the faux wood paneling sound really charming.
Thank you for your kind words about my poem.
The Mercedes was a hand-me-down from my grandfather (same one as in this piece: https://mikesperiosu.substack.com/p/a-profound-kindness), and somehow its methodic grayness really embodied him. My next car was a hand-me-down Honda Prelude from my dad, which did have a manual transmission! So much fun. That one carried me all the way to my first date with my girlfriend-now-wife. Good memories.
My second car was a black 1982 Camaro Berlinetta that my parents surprised me with following football season my Senior year. Needless to say, I was THE MAN on campus driving up every day in that thing! Like your Prelude, my Camaro brought me to meeting my future wife at college. Such great memories—You’d be a BLAST to sit next with for a lazy and sunny afternoon on a deck somewhere, preferably overlooking a body of water, and reminiscing on various memories from our “Glory Days.” I’d even be playing Springsteen in the background. And Journey.
I'm so in, man.
Loved the way you shaped the poem. What inspired you to write it this way?
Thanks, VP! The shape started to make itself naturally as I used my intuition to decide where linebreaks should be as the words first started pouring out. Once the themes of the poem started to take shape (ha), I felt that the rigid lines really helped get the message across, so I turned the shape from a rough, happy coincidence into an enforced rigid structure worthy of German engineering. I've been asked whether the shape is supposed to look like a headlight or tail fin, and the answer is no, it's not meant to be that literal.
I love the form and shape of the poem. It suits the content perfectly.
Thank you for noticing, LeeAnn!
Distinct memories with this one Mike.
Thank you for reading, as always, Patris!
The first car my husband and father agreed I needed was an older Mercedes built like a tank…. Such a vote of confidence
🤣🤣🤣 I never got in a major wreck with this one (probably because it was SO slow to accelerate), but if I ever did...the other driver's car probably would have been scrap metal.
NO doubt!
Such an enjoyable look back, brought back sights and sounds of yesteryear’s drives.
Love the shape of this piece too.
Thanks for riding along with me on this one! I know it's a bit of a departure from a lot of my work, but variety really is the spice of life! It's fun to expand what I'm capable of. And thanks for noticing the deliberate shape!
I love the cars of years ago more than the ones they make now mainly because those cars had and have a better, stronger frame and looked and look more impressive. To me the cars of today look more or less the same. Good read!