What a piece, Mike! This is what's it's all about! I love it when poetry takes a thrust toward the deeper parts of the human condition. And you've done so well here. The stark contrast between beginning and end is masterful. Oh, and what a splendid idea it was to preserve the shape of the poem itself with an image. Using the literal shape of the poem only enhances the artistry and, in this case, exemplifies the contrast by funneling down, only to open up again. There's the sense that it could just keep going, keep opening up. It strikes me as a sort of rebirth, which -to me- makes perfect sense when a person leaves the heavy weight of shame (and its dense black rain) behind.
Beautifully done, sir!
A couple of my favourite lines: "each one scolding woefully" ... "All the tears, all the laughs, every strain of happiness".
Thank you so much, Jeff. I look forward to the day we meet in person, if and when that ever comes. Maybe we'll go camping somewhere, and announce that we're going to read original poetry by the fire, to much eyerolling on the part of our families. But we'll find ways to make them laugh and cry, or at least groan. Worst case scenario, there's always s'mores.
I like this very much for the form going from big to small and then from small to big; I am talking about the lines. And the content is to be appreciated as well. You planed this poem quite successfully. The way it looks on the page and the poetry of the verses make this poem worthy of being read. Good job!
Yesss, I love poems in my comment section. So much fun and beautiful attention. I like how yours seems to emphasize the temporary nature of shame. It’s no place to move in.
One of my favourite things to experiment with is the formatting of writing (although it doesn't always work when bringing it over onto Substack) and I love how you've got it to work for this piece. The writing itself is beautiful too. All round a really great piece!!
What a piece, Mike! This is what's it's all about! I love it when poetry takes a thrust toward the deeper parts of the human condition. And you've done so well here. The stark contrast between beginning and end is masterful. Oh, and what a splendid idea it was to preserve the shape of the poem itself with an image. Using the literal shape of the poem only enhances the artistry and, in this case, exemplifies the contrast by funneling down, only to open up again. There's the sense that it could just keep going, keep opening up. It strikes me as a sort of rebirth, which -to me- makes perfect sense when a person leaves the heavy weight of shame (and its dense black rain) behind.
Beautifully done, sir!
A couple of my favourite lines: "each one scolding woefully" ... "All the tears, all the laughs, every strain of happiness".
Thank you so much, Jeff. I look forward to the day we meet in person, if and when that ever comes. Maybe we'll go camping somewhere, and announce that we're going to read original poetry by the fire, to much eyerolling on the part of our families. But we'll find ways to make them laugh and cry, or at least groan. Worst case scenario, there's always s'mores.
Jeff hit the mark in his commentary.
Excellent words and graphic!
Shame
Is a game
Someone played
You came
And were played.
It's an emotion
Not innate
Mate.
Aha, original poetry in my very own comments section! Thank you, Malcolm.
I like conversation. Feel free to converse with me anytime Mike.
That’s good to hear. I enjoy conversing as well.
I like this very much for the form going from big to small and then from small to big; I am talking about the lines. And the content is to be appreciated as well. You planed this poem quite successfully. The way it looks on the page and the poetry of the verses make this poem worthy of being read. Good job!
The form and the text are exceptional!
Dope poem, inspired one of my own.
Shame can’t live where you burn it,
It falls thick like snow in your face.
Guess it’s time for a vacation,
Find your sunglasses, conmigo bebe.
Yesss, I love poems in my comment section. So much fun and beautiful attention. I like how yours seems to emphasize the temporary nature of shame. It’s no place to move in.
Nice!
Excellent, definitely a dry spit!
One of my favourite things to experiment with is the formatting of writing (although it doesn't always work when bringing it over onto Substack) and I love how you've got it to work for this piece. The writing itself is beautiful too. All round a really great piece!!
Thanks, Daniel! Yes, I'm glad the image experiment seems to have worked. Stay tuned for more "shapely" poetry, haha.
Beautiful Mike; the last line is stunning.
Thank you so much, Anagha. It means a lot coming from you.
Really like the shape of your words, and that last line- what a wrap up!
Thank you, Marjorie!! So glad the presentation resonated with you.