You've captured and woven so many images together here, and done so with your own unique eloquence and grace. The rhyming scheme was well crafted and -as usual- your word selection precise and intelligent. Your writing style always gets my imagination cranked up - I need to turn up the dial to take it all in... How lovely it is to be pulled out of the stupor of my day and be offered a glimpse of what you see.
Your chosen image of the ethereal soap bubbles, for me are a nod to the mermaid’s iridescent tail scales. I like that you bring this dream into the day, let the bubbles stay longer.
I don’t know if I’m repeating somebody else or not. I’ve learned to keep my head down, and speak to Text in the comments section, otherwise I go down the rabbit hole of reading everything and spent too much time on Substack I chopped up a piece of your poem, Mike, and re-stacked like the ass that I am. Just some words. Words you wrote. I read just those words about 12 times over. And then I continued and the whole thing is gorgeous.
Beautiful imagery throughout. Very visceral. Great poetic language, especially: "If beauty is the fruit of symmetry" and "paradox of ecstasy" and that last line was such a gut punch. Didn't see it coming at all. Rhyming felt natural and I could tell you were thriving in the sonnet form.
I read the first line of this a few days ago and KNEW I was going to love it, but was busy and not in the right headspace at the time so I saved it until now and I'm so glad I did. From start to finish, this is fantastic. The last line is so fascinating, but I think my favourite bit about it is describing the ocean as "luscious," as I think I've only ever seen it used to describe forests before, but it works so, so well here.
I was wondering recently, how long does it take for you to create these poems? In my mind I imagine it as a process similar to writing short stories/flash fiction etc. but I feel like there's always a lot more care put into your choice of words/concept and I was wondering how the process for coming up with these usually goes.
Daniel, thank you so much for your kind words, reflections, and questions.
My process feels a little (or a lot) different for each piece. I like to keep it fresh and keep exploring. I always look forward to what my next poem is going to teach me.
That said, a typical poem for me takes maybe 3-5 days to go from first word written to being published here. (Some take many months, and some probably will never see the light of day.) This one was probably a little longer if you count from the aquarium visit day and the notes I took there. I did not know I wanted to make those notes into a sonnet (and a fictional situation/story) until about 2 days before this was published. For this one, a lot of my effort was spent thinking about the sound of it. The sound and the meaning usually co-evolve. At some point, I usually start entering the poem into a draft here on Substack, but the editing is rarely fully done at that point. I read it many, many times, mull it over, sleep on it. It's always a delight when an improvement makes itself known.
Truly, the real mechanisms behind my own creativity are a mystery to me. I try to read as much poetry as I can, and listen to music too. Books are great but my attention span struggles with them. Then, when I feel that little tingle of inspiration, I let it flow. Some poems start with just a short 2-3 word phrase that makes itself known in my life somehow, and I let it grow from there.
Ah, you were asking about alternating stress patterns. Most words in English (and many other, but not all other, languages) have a natural pattern of how each syllable is stressed. "Curtail" is an iamb, which means the second syllable is stressed. As a minimally different word, "curtain" is a trochee, meaning the stress comes first. When you say each aloud, you can hear this. There are also secondary stresses, like in "capability" the first syllable is secondarily stressed, the third is the primary stress, and the second, fourth, and fifth syllables are all unstressed, though that fifth and final syllable can be coerced into being stressed, e.g. in a sonnet. Often little words like "a" and "the" can be considered stressless, though e.g. in this poem I coerce "is" into carrying a stress. This works better with certain syllables than others.
In a classic English sonnet, each line is 10 syllables: 5 sequential iambs in a row. Kind of like five heartbeats per line: duh-DUH duh-DUH duh-DUH duh-DUH duh-DUH. With this in mind, you could try rereading my poem and see if these stress ideas start to make sense. I hope I'm not being too pedantic. I love to help and to educate when I can!
My formal training in poetry doesn't extend beyond high school (and I usually loathed what I was asked/required to read and write back then!), but I do have a PhD in linguistics which really helps me look at language from this angle. Only very recently did I decide to do something creative with it, and boy am I having a blast. I have realized from my own explorations that poetry really is music made with words alone; music and poetry form a continuum, not two distinct categories.
I think it's easy to get confused and think poetry takes less time due to the word count, but hearing that you build it out over multiple days is a fantastic reminder of the effort that goes into these pieces. Same goes for sound. It's easy to overlook it and just think "oh, that sounds nice," when there's a lot more going on. I think I can often rush pieces (especially since my Substack is more or less me going "let's try new things and see what works") but your words are guiding me towards allowing myself a bit of time to reflect on the things I've written, and go back to them a little more before they're published.
It's quietly reassuring to hear that I'm not the only one who struggles with attention span for reading books (even though I love writing them).
That makes a whole lot more sense now that you've explained it, thank you. I've screenshot your explanation and saved it because it's the best I've ever heard someone say it. I remember vaguely learning about it in high school, but I don't know how much attention I paid to it there, and the way the internet describes it is far too... formal (I guess that's how I'd describe it). Definitely not too pedantic, and I can see it through the poem now that I go back. It kind of explains why I've felt a similar (previously unexplainable) vibe from some of my own work at times.
A background in linguistics would definitely be handy for this sort of stuff, and I think it shines through in your writing. All of my background comes from me having done it for ages and slowly teaching myself. I'm also constantly trying to remind myself that it's still a learning process and that I can always get better. So thanks for taking the time to teach me!! I look forward to learning more from your future writing :)
In this sonnet I got lost between that which sinks and the girl. I could not see to satisfaction what is really going on here. Perhaps you could illuminate me so I can appreciate more this sonnet.
Oh my goodness. If I could read a thick pad of butter being spread on soft, warm and fluffy sourdough bread — This is what it would say. Beautifully said, Mike. I felt this one.
Gorgeous form and curves to this poem. The form itself emotes the alluring shape of the siren, drawing you in. Sumptuous.
Thank you, David!
Great use of assonance throughout!
Thanks Pete!
You've captured and woven so many images together here, and done so with your own unique eloquence and grace. The rhyming scheme was well crafted and -as usual- your word selection precise and intelligent. Your writing style always gets my imagination cranked up - I need to turn up the dial to take it all in... How lovely it is to be pulled out of the stupor of my day and be offered a glimpse of what you see.
Thank you, Jeff, for your everlasting kindness!
Your chosen image of the ethereal soap bubbles, for me are a nod to the mermaid’s iridescent tail scales. I like that you bring this dream into the day, let the bubbles stay longer.
Such a powerful wrap up question
🌜🫧🧜♀️🫧🌞
I was curious to see how you would react to this one, Marjorie! Thank you so much.
I absolutely loved hearing you read this one.
My girl is my mermaid, one of her chosen forms in my writings. So many thoughts are swimming in my head & heart now ✨🧜♀️✨
Yes, I know that she is. She was and continues to be so special. You are a great mom.
So much mystery in this poem. I feel a longing emerge throughout that culminates at the end.
Thank you, Brian.
I don’t know if I’m repeating somebody else or not. I’ve learned to keep my head down, and speak to Text in the comments section, otherwise I go down the rabbit hole of reading everything and spent too much time on Substack I chopped up a piece of your poem, Mike, and re-stacked like the ass that I am. Just some words. Words you wrote. I read just those words about 12 times over. And then I continued and the whole thing is gorgeous.
Thank you so much, Sea! Sea sees me.
I love this. It is a kaleidoscope of words and the images they provoke.
Beautiful imagery throughout. Very visceral. Great poetic language, especially: "If beauty is the fruit of symmetry" and "paradox of ecstasy" and that last line was such a gut punch. Didn't see it coming at all. Rhyming felt natural and I could tell you were thriving in the sonnet form.
Daniel, thank you so much. You words mean so much to me. You are a blessing.
wowwwww!
Thank you, dave! So glad you read it and decided to subscribe! Welcome aboard.
Ha ha, I feel safe” interpreting” your poems now that I have your permission
Yes, please do! It’s one of my favorite parts of the process.
Ooh, the mermaid luring the sailor to his death! It took me 2.5 reads to get it! I love the language. The language itself is a sea of enticement.
That sounds like a reasonable interpretation! Thank you, Don.
I read the first line of this a few days ago and KNEW I was going to love it, but was busy and not in the right headspace at the time so I saved it until now and I'm so glad I did. From start to finish, this is fantastic. The last line is so fascinating, but I think my favourite bit about it is describing the ocean as "luscious," as I think I've only ever seen it used to describe forests before, but it works so, so well here.
I was wondering recently, how long does it take for you to create these poems? In my mind I imagine it as a process similar to writing short stories/flash fiction etc. but I feel like there's always a lot more care put into your choice of words/concept and I was wondering how the process for coming up with these usually goes.
Daniel, thank you so much for your kind words, reflections, and questions.
My process feels a little (or a lot) different for each piece. I like to keep it fresh and keep exploring. I always look forward to what my next poem is going to teach me.
That said, a typical poem for me takes maybe 3-5 days to go from first word written to being published here. (Some take many months, and some probably will never see the light of day.) This one was probably a little longer if you count from the aquarium visit day and the notes I took there. I did not know I wanted to make those notes into a sonnet (and a fictional situation/story) until about 2 days before this was published. For this one, a lot of my effort was spent thinking about the sound of it. The sound and the meaning usually co-evolve. At some point, I usually start entering the poem into a draft here on Substack, but the editing is rarely fully done at that point. I read it many, many times, mull it over, sleep on it. It's always a delight when an improvement makes itself known.
Truly, the real mechanisms behind my own creativity are a mystery to me. I try to read as much poetry as I can, and listen to music too. Books are great but my attention span struggles with them. Then, when I feel that little tingle of inspiration, I let it flow. Some poems start with just a short 2-3 word phrase that makes itself known in my life somehow, and I let it grow from there.
Ah, you were asking about alternating stress patterns. Most words in English (and many other, but not all other, languages) have a natural pattern of how each syllable is stressed. "Curtail" is an iamb, which means the second syllable is stressed. As a minimally different word, "curtain" is a trochee, meaning the stress comes first. When you say each aloud, you can hear this. There are also secondary stresses, like in "capability" the first syllable is secondarily stressed, the third is the primary stress, and the second, fourth, and fifth syllables are all unstressed, though that fifth and final syllable can be coerced into being stressed, e.g. in a sonnet. Often little words like "a" and "the" can be considered stressless, though e.g. in this poem I coerce "is" into carrying a stress. This works better with certain syllables than others.
In a classic English sonnet, each line is 10 syllables: 5 sequential iambs in a row. Kind of like five heartbeats per line: duh-DUH duh-DUH duh-DUH duh-DUH duh-DUH. With this in mind, you could try rereading my poem and see if these stress ideas start to make sense. I hope I'm not being too pedantic. I love to help and to educate when I can!
My formal training in poetry doesn't extend beyond high school (and I usually loathed what I was asked/required to read and write back then!), but I do have a PhD in linguistics which really helps me look at language from this angle. Only very recently did I decide to do something creative with it, and boy am I having a blast. I have realized from my own explorations that poetry really is music made with words alone; music and poetry form a continuum, not two distinct categories.
Thank you so much for your continued support!
I think it's easy to get confused and think poetry takes less time due to the word count, but hearing that you build it out over multiple days is a fantastic reminder of the effort that goes into these pieces. Same goes for sound. It's easy to overlook it and just think "oh, that sounds nice," when there's a lot more going on. I think I can often rush pieces (especially since my Substack is more or less me going "let's try new things and see what works") but your words are guiding me towards allowing myself a bit of time to reflect on the things I've written, and go back to them a little more before they're published.
It's quietly reassuring to hear that I'm not the only one who struggles with attention span for reading books (even though I love writing them).
That makes a whole lot more sense now that you've explained it, thank you. I've screenshot your explanation and saved it because it's the best I've ever heard someone say it. I remember vaguely learning about it in high school, but I don't know how much attention I paid to it there, and the way the internet describes it is far too... formal (I guess that's how I'd describe it). Definitely not too pedantic, and I can see it through the poem now that I go back. It kind of explains why I've felt a similar (previously unexplainable) vibe from some of my own work at times.
A background in linguistics would definitely be handy for this sort of stuff, and I think it shines through in your writing. All of my background comes from me having done it for ages and slowly teaching myself. I'm also constantly trying to remind myself that it's still a learning process and that I can always get better. So thanks for taking the time to teach me!! I look forward to learning more from your future writing :)
Very sensuous Mike. And lovely vowel sounds.
lol, I think the “pun” is intended?
In this sonnet I got lost between that which sinks and the girl. I could not see to satisfaction what is really going on here. Perhaps you could illuminate me so I can appreciate more this sonnet.
Oh my goodness. If I could read a thick pad of butter being spread on soft, warm and fluffy sourdough bread — This is what it would say. Beautifully said, Mike. I felt this one.
Wow that sounds so delicious! What a compliment. Thank you.